Drunken Spies, tell no lies
by Indigogold
Summary: Chuck and Sarah, drunk on a mission? That can't be good. Quick, humouress one-shot - worth a read anyway! Rated T for minor swearing words :


**Drunken spies, tell no lies.**

"Keep your eye on the mark, Sarah!" Casey whispered harshly through her earpiece.

"Casey, for God's sake, what do you think we've been doing for the past half an hour?" Sarah said loudly into her watch.

Chuck and Sarah had been watching a suspected Ring Operative for the past three hours, carefully watching to see if he made contact with anyone. For the first hour, they both watched the greasy, grey haired man with suspicion, but as the time went on they were both getting bored and were on their sixth martini.

Sarah seductively turned to Chuck, swinging her right leg sexily over her left, she felt stone cold sober, she twirled her golden hair around her slender finger.

"Chuck!" Sarah said softly.

He turned to her, taking his eye away from the walking trashcan. "- Yeah?"

"How many of these have we had?" She asked, holding up her water coloured drink.

"Six, I feel as sober as a.. a.. a.. CASEY!" He started to laugh softly, his head flopping downwards and his tanned hands clutching his stomach.

Sarah looked at him for a moment and burst into hysterics.

"Shit." Casey wined loudly. "You two are bloody pissed."

"We are not!" Sarah said. "We are as sober as you."

"What does that even mean?" Casey grunted, turning his attention to their mark. "Enough of this, go and get closer to him."

"Ah okay, got you buddy." Chuck almost shouted. He took Sarah by the hand and stumbled onto the dance floor. They were at a hotel reception of an Arabian couple, they had entered under the alias of the mother of the brides cousin, strangely the woman had so many cousins she didn't even realise that she wasn't related to Chuck and Sarah.

"We will dance to get close to them!" Sarah exclaimed, slamming her seventh martini down on the bar table.

"Yes!" Chuck said, taking long wobbly steps towards the rows of dancing people. "Come on Sarah!" He shouted drunkly.

Casey slapped his head in aspiration, he groaned loudly into the microphone, he couldn't go in there because he was currently almost top of the wanted list in Saudi Arabia. He could only shout for Chuck and Sarah to do the opposite, but they wouldn't listen.

Chuck let go of Sarah's hand and started doing a crazy eighties dance, he pointed his finger into the air and then swung it down by his hip and did the same with the other hand. Sarah, however, was trying a different tactic, she kicked her tall ruby red stilettos onto the floor and started tapping on the marble ground with her bare feet and scuffing her heels in an idiotic fashion.

This, was her drunken impression of an Irish jig. Her arms were wind milling in the air and her bum was pointed downwards as if she was just about to go to the toilet.

Almost everybody stopped and looked at them, they started to giggle and snigger.

Their mark, Halason Tameed tilted his unwashed head at them and shouted in Arabian to the DJ to stop the music.

Chuck and Sarah carried on regardless, looking at one another with serious expressions, which, to the audience, made it all the more humorous.

"What is this?" He said, his voice was hard to understand as his tone was still thick with his accent.

"We are dancing!" Chuck shouted back, with the biggest grin planted on his face.

With that, the music resumed and Chuck sat down in the middle of the floor, he was feeling a little dizzy. Halason knelt down beside him, his face fixated with a concerned expression.

"What is this that is wrong with you?" He said in broken English.

"I have to bloody watch your sorry ass, that's what's wrong!" Chuck loudly muttered.

"You watch me why?" His face crumpled with confusion.

Sarah came up to them. "Chuck, no!" She shouted, weakly trying to pull him up off of the floor, before collapsing beside him.

"No, what?" He replied.

"Let me tell him!" She cried.

"Sa-rah!" Chuck whinged.

Casey couldn't even watch this, his covered his eyes with his hands and turned off his ear piece.

"You're a bad boy." Chuck sniggered rowdily.

"Why am I bad boy?" Halason wondered out loud.

"You are a ring operative!" Sarah yelled.

He stumbled forwards and squarely stood over Chuck and Sarah. Seemingly, he was also quite drunk. Sarah wondered for a moment if she should have said that but then, they were here to find out bout this man, so why not ask him?

He crouched down next to them, he smelt of B.O and stale booze. He nodded his head and then shook it again.

"How do you know this?" He enquired. "You have been watching me?"

"God dude, I can't even understand a word that you're saying, learn some English man for Christ's sake. And it's a good thing I'm not religious with all of these bible names that I am shouting out!" Chuck interrupted rudely, followed by a rather large burp.

"Yeah." Sarah agreed, nodding her head. "There's a story in the bible about Ring Operatives." She chimed.

"There is?" Halason whispered disbelievingly.

"Yes!" She pulled him down to her level and began to murmur into his ear. "There was a man called.. Jesus - I think, and he was born in Arabia and he was very under appreciated as a child. As a teenager he fought for attention and was constantly arguing with his sister Moses." She paused and sipped knowledgeably from her eighth glass and ran her finger along his chin. Chuck felt a little jealous but then, she was only getting information out of him.

"What happened then?" Chuck piped up.

"Well, he obviously rebelled and got in with the wrong crowd. The Ring crowd, and whilst he did all of these bad things, he was still a sad underappreciated inside. Then the CIA from 300 A.D chased him on horseback trying to arrest him for crimes against his country. But.." She paused as she caught Halason's indulgent eye.

"He decided to give himself in and when he finally got out of prison, he died and went to heaven because he gave himself in and now he's up there living a life of luxury. Sipping champagne and dining on gorgeous chocolates all day."

"Wow and you think, if I give myself in now, I'll be just like him in heaven?" Halason asked, the idiot really believed this.

"Yes!" Sarah and Chuck said in unison.

"Take me in!" He grinned, holding out his wrists. Sarah cuffed his hands and dragged him out to Casey's van and threw him in.

"Here you go!" Sarah smiled, swaying form side to side.

"God job, Walker." Casey said. "So even drunk you can complete a mission, I'm impressed!"

"I'm not drunk!" She argued. "I'm perfectly sober! Watch I can climb onto this van without even falling over!"

Casey raised his eyebrow and was intrigued. "…Okay."

Chuck appeared from nowhere and said that he would try too. Sarah stuck out a leg and put it on the step of the surveillance van, steadying herself, she lifted the other foot up but toppled over and landed with a thud on the hard concrete. With her legs at an awkward angle and her underwear on full view, a low rumble erupted from the valleys of her bottom, it gradually got louder and it sounded like a percussion being played on a base drum.

"EW, you farted!" Casey recoiled in horror "Walker, that's disgusting!"

Sarah didn't reply, she was curled up on the road laughing until she had to breath

"Oh God!" She snorted "Your turn Chuck!"

Chuck accepted the challenge with a nod of his head , he put his foot on the step, like Sarah had but then fell over and landed on top of Sarah, then letting a fart escape from his bum.

"Well at least the mission was a success." Casey told himself silently.

_One-shot, **Review please? (:  
**_


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